why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
