I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dear god my vagina.
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