He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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