so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
