It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
