i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
