1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
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why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
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Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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