I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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