he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
