This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
