The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
