I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
