Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
