I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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