It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
