Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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