just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
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It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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