My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
