I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
