Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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