Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
