My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
