take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
