Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I've blown a few things in my day
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
