this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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