Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
