Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
