Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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