I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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