I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
