My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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