Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
