They should really pass out barf bags in church
i can't believe i had my finger in that
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
