A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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