I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
