It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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