pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
