chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
