i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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