actually, I'm a sock model
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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