i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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