you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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