She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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