There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I am full of burrito and curiosity
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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