I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
