She said her name was "party"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
