I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
