what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I had to cum in my sink.
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