you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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