Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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