THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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