We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
