He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
