He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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