Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
