Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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