you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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