Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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