This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
