That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
