It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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