omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
