He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
