i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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