Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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