I skipped work to stalk him.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
