it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
