Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
