dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm bleeding and have questions
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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