I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
