I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
