He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
