Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
