My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
