It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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