I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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