How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I deserve this hangover.
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