When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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